It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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