I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
