the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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