i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
pray to the hookup gods
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
