I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
