I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
high people should be assigned attendants
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
