Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
