she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This is classic penis vs brain.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
