You can't motorboat a personality
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize