I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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