I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
