I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
