she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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