And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
