you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
