just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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