I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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