yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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