Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
