Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
