Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
