I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
