Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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