god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize