Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
