I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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