you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
