is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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