Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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