I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Randomize
