we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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