Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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