kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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