oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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