i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
