i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
