She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
