He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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