please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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