I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
