fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
