hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
