So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i would punch a child for taco bell
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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