What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize