Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
