Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
