Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i need some magic done to my vagina
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
