tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
