I am puke
Where did you get a picture of my penis
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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