can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
