Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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