i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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