I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
