Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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