Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
