More tranny stories later!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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