puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
