I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
