My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Every concussion has its silver lining
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
