he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize