Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
