It's Friday. Sex?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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