Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
