porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
