what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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